Riding it out.

Yes, People, yes…..Onward we go,

My life is limited to shooting the show and sleeping. I barely have time for standup which is freaking me out. I have to go. It’s like the gym. Even if I don’t want to I need to get up on stage a few times a week or I feel out of shape, loose and flabby-witted, or…scared. That is what I am feeling lately. Fear. It’s weird, but it happens. I think it is always there. I just get it in check for stretches of time.

I think pulling the plug on the nicotine has left me vulnerable to all kinds of attacks from within and without. Of course I am amplifying the attacks coming from the outside, if they even exist at all, so lets just say inner attacks. Doubts. I am working very hard and as opposed to letting my brain rest or it just resting on its own it decides to interrogate me and shake the core of whatever foundation I have. You think you are doing a good job? You think you are working hard enough? You think you look good? I don’t know. You should really fester on it and decide you suck in the middle of all this success. That’s an attractive point of view that everyone can relate to. Everything is going great and I suck. I counter with, "Get over it," and take contrary action because I know that I am at the edge of something I’ve never experienced before and my comfort zone has always been, "I’m an asshole."

Maybe it’s because I am so busy, but I feel detached and disengaged from life. I have no idea what I should be talking about or interested in. Lets just hope it's busy and not depressed. I’m going with busy and off a drug for less than 90 days. Riding it out.

In black cat news I think Deaf Black Cat is gone. A new one has arrived. I don’t know where this monster came from but there is a new cat eating on my deck. He is jet black with a huge head and muscly body. He as a nasty scar patch on the back of his neck and balls the size of dog balls. If there were a pit bull cat it would be this guy. He’s a little friendly and not quite not wild. I think he may have kind of a home. Dunno. I know those balls need to go. He’s not coming around regularly enough for me to trap him and I’m pretty busy to be doing that but I know he’s out there looking for pussy pussy and we don’t need anymore ferals around here. I also have a fear that he may belong to some gangbanger down the street and if I have his balls cut off there may be a risk of mine being cut off. Or maybe a less drastic reprisal like he’d be my cat now. See how my brain works. Anyway…

Conor Oberst - Bright Eyes - is on the show today. We talked a lot about songwriting and he plays one. On Thursday the legendary Harry Shearer talks to me for a bit about it all. He’s been around AND he was very pleasant. I was lead to believe he might not be.


Boomer lives!