It Always Seems Loaded Somehow.

How’s it going, People?

I hope you all did what you had to do on Valentine's Day. I was very fortunate. My girlfriend spaced it and made other plans. So, no pressure. I’m blessed. I did get up and make some waffles for us. The niceness of the act was undermined a bit by me losing my shit a little when the first waffle stuck to the iron and had to be scraped out. I know this is the way it goes with waffles and pancakes but I guess I wanted to get mad. I didn’t go crazy. I locked in and made a nice stack of cornmeal waffles. I felt a little shitty for eating them but I moved through that. We sat out back at the picnic table she got for me and ate waffles and looked at birds. It was nice.

Now, if I could just be okay with being loved I’ll be all set. I’m getting there. I know it may sound weird but not so much. Something so perfect and simple as being loved should be a beautiful thing. To me, it’s a little threatening. It always seems loaded somehow. A bartering chip, a negotiation, exhausting. I know the line I need to cross to let go and take it. I see it. I feel it. Crossing it feels like the most horrifying leap I can imagine. Maybe I will do it before I die. Maybe I’ll do it as I die. I don’t know. I know I feel pretty good about who I am these days. I accept the flaws and discomfort of being me. I feel that if I work from that place, gradual change is possible. If I plant the seed in my head that I want to ease into acceptance around almost anything it will happen without me even knowing it. The harder I work at those things the more they get polluted with effort and panic. If I just lean into it a bit and hope for the best I’ll get at least halfway there. Halfway there is pretty good. I’ll take a break there and decide whether the rest of the trip is necessary. In other words, I’m kind of a pain in the ass to be with.

Today I talk to the ladies from ‘Broad City.’ Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson talk a bit about how they got where they are, NYC and the new season of the show. Record mogul and musician Herb Alpert talks to me on Thursday. Great week.

Boomer lives!