I saw Selma.

One week down, People!

I have to say the first week of shooting the third season of ‘Maron’ for IFC went very well. It was fun! See, I just admitted I had a good time. Wild, right? Feels good. Maybe I could get used to that.

I saw Selma. I loved the way it was shot. So intimate. The intimacy of the horrible violence of the events playing against the intimacy of the portrait of the man that was Martin Luther King was mind blowing. So many close ups of David Oyelowo’s face and head, front and back, revealed the struggle in the streets against the struggle in his mind at every turn. His fortitude and vision expressed through movement and the bold intensity of softness, compassion and a strength that buckled but did not waiver or stop the righteous actions that needed to play out. The actor’s choices were brilliant and organic and understated. The menace of the typed out scene headings from an FBI log book gave the movie a haunting undercurrent. It illustrated the insidious preemptive calculations of the dark workings of a government that refused to represent its people until it was convenient and, if that didn’t come to pass, would do whatever was necessary to neuter the ‘threat’ of people fighting for their rights. I thought the film was stunning and disturbing. I needed to be stunned and disturbed into feeling the violent impact of the events being depicted. Events that happened in my lifetime. Events that echo in events that are happening now. It’s a heartbreaking reality that I don’t live in and don’t always really allow myself to feel or understand. I thank Selma for shaking me.

I’m embarrassed to admit that after seeing the movie I went to sleep and dreamt that I was bombing in front of a southern audience for a long time. I guess it’s okay that my subconscious is shamelessly self-centered.

I get caught up in my own shit. My limited turmoil. My repetitive patterns of emotional garbage. My insecurities. It becomes embarrassing. When it goes away for a bit I am relieved but I don’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I know that sounds odd but it is true. I spent my life struggling to be myself and then struggling to make a living on my terms doing my thing. Now both have happened and I have no idea how to move forward. I never really wanted anything other than those things. I guess I just have to keep my heart in the right place and open and it will be revealed. I could also buy a car—maybe.

Jimmy Dore is on the show Monday. He was one of the podcasters that was there before the rest of us. He had me on his show right when I was starting out and finally I am return the favor. On Thursday a guy who was inspired to do a podcast because of my podcast. Brian Koppelman talks to me about his life in music and film. Good talks.


Boomer lives!