I’m back at it. It’s weird when I get back to my life because I don’t really know what that means. I have been consumed with the TV show. Now, I am back to being a comic and podcaster. Which means thinking, eating, mentally struggling to pull thoughts out of the ether and make them into something. I was exhausted after the shoot and I really wasn’t sure if I had it in me anymore to do another new hour of standup. I didn’t see the point. Then, after a bit of rest, I remembered I do it because it is what I do. It’s what I have always done. It is daunting but the life of a comic is sometimes a waiting game. Waiting to engage with an audience, your life and your mind. So, I was just afraid and anxious and didn’t have any idea what was inside me. Now that I am out of the show for a couple of weeks, things have settled. Scribbling on pads, napkins, Post-its and actual paper has commenced. The obstacle of not blurting urgently has been overcome. It is happening. New material. Thank you, aggravated muse. Thank you.
I’ve been getting rid of shit. Throwing some stuff out, donating things. I’ve been through this before but not to this degree. I really want it all out. All of the haunted vessels must go. I never really believed that I kept things around because they were attached to emotions in my life, but I do. If you have something that represents a time or person in your life, you are in a dialogue with them as long as it remains in your periphery. I didn’t fully realize that. I thought I was just lazy and didn’t feel like getting rid of shit that served a purpose.
There was this giant piece of furniture in my dining room. I don’t even know what you call it. It was a cabinet with four drawers in it and a couple of big drawers outside the cabinet. It was my ex-wife’s. We brought it from NYC. It was in her apartment when I met her. She was hung up on it. She left it here. It has just been in my dining room filled with my random shit for years. I wanted to move it to my office to hold random shit. So, I emptied it and brought it over there. The drawers actually smelled like her old apartment. When I got it into the office I realized how big it was, how much space it took up. Then I realized it was really the only thing that truly represented my ex that was still in my life and it was taking up a lot of emotional space as well. I was ready to let it go. I put it on the street and within minutes someone was loading it into a car. It means nothing to them other than a thing they found. Now it is gone. It will not take from me or hold part of me in hurt. Haunted vessel.
Today I talk to Ethan Hawke. We cover a lot at a pretty good clip. Good stuff about acting and creativity. It’s probably the best actor interview I have done in terms of the actual process. On Thursday I talk to former child actor Quinn Cummings about being nominated for an Oscar for her role in ‘The Goodbye Girl’ when she was a kid and about all her books. She’s a writer now. I like her.