Sitting here in the new house listening Neil Young's ‘Hitchhiker’ album, enjoying the haunting brilliance of this once hidden record. Elevating the darkness to lyrical beauty. I guess that’s the best you can do as a creative person who isn’t trying to deny or avoid themselves or the world we live in. Spinning into oblivion can be a beautiful thing if handled correctly. I’m talking about the macro. The level most of us have no real control over. On the micro level, reflecting, that is the trick. Not emulating the cosmic wildfire we are throwing gas on.
I’ve been forcing myself on stage lately because that is what I do. I find if I don’t, I literally begin to lose my mind in a very real way. I become isolated inside my own head. Unable to communicate the emotional storm building in my brain and heart which are absorbing each minute awake. Nothing is passive in my brain. Some things are just not on the daily docket and some things I just don’t know about but there is an agenda up there and it requires vigilance to manage because it is not always a pro-Marc agenda. I need to be on stage to make sense of my world which is a mixture of my perception of myself and the parts of the external that come pounding into my mind and eyes all the time. Relaxing would be nice. I just have a calling to figure shit out. I’m always saying, ‘I just have to figure this out.’ Maybe that’s the habit. I’m guessing I’m not ever going to figure it out. I should stop trying. I can’t though, so, standup. The process.
I made a little headway on some new bits the other night. It got me excited. I always think there won’t be any more bits after I dump an hour-plus out into the world on a special. Then, it starts. I get excited about one thing and it just starts to bleed out and spread and a freedom of mind starts to happen. That’s the wildfire I need and have. Usually it's about 70 percent controlled. Unfortunately, it is usually fueled by discomfort and discontent. I think many of the reasons I felt those things have eased but fortunately there is a bit at the core that will never ease up until I let go one way or the other. I’m not really trying to let go which should really be the goal but I don’t know what I will be if I do and clearly the fear of that guy is bigger than just being the anxious, dread filled guy I am. So, standup. The treatment. The relief. The reaching out. Don’t all of us have that bit at our core that knows this is all sort of a rip off? A joke that we know the end of?
Maybe just me.
Today I talk to Steven Van Zandt. It was a little tricky getting in but we had a great talk about all of it. Well, most of it. He’s been around a while. On Thursday I talk to Neal Preston. He’s a rock photographer whose work you’ve definitely seen. He was there for a lot of the big ones. Cool talk.