Too many nuts. Cashew nuts. Too many. I ran out and I’m afraid to get more. I’m hoping maybe the world ran out. Unlikely. Getting doughy from the nuts. Healthy doughy. Nut doughy.
Feeling a little better emotionally, mentally. Taking some action. I don’t love taking action but understanding is not doing. I get what’s up. After years of trying to get a context to understand why I am the way I am, I have one. Great. I built the box. Now, how the fuck do I get out?
I went to see a new therapist. When I say new that doesn’t mean I have been going to one. I have one I went to. But again, understanding is not doing. And knowing doesn’t mean anything. Repetition of what you know about yourself and doing things over and over again doesn’t help too much. Actually, it is the opposite of help. Sometimes I think therapy means you pay someone so you can rationalize your problems aloud. They make suggestions. You take them. Maybe try them, probably not. Come back the following week and re-rationalize.
Sadly, the things that make us sick of ourselves are sometimes all we know.
So, this new therapist doesn’t want to talk. She wants to do EMDR therapy. Now, I’m stubborn and I don’t love too many new things and I generally don’t do things that many people have told me might make me feel better, i.e. meditate, mostly. I tried EMDR once. I like the idea of it even though I have no idea how it works and it seems kind of bullshitty. Though people I trust say it works. You hold a couple of doohickeys in your hand that alternate a vibration that somehow distracts part of your brain so you can tap right into the amygdala and rework some connection between actual trauma memories and the way it is affecting your behavior and thought patterns today. Sounds like a hokey racket but again, it has been proven to work with PTSD, which apparently we all have if you had at least one crappy parent on some level.
I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe you’ll just hear it. Hope it works and I can feel it.
Today I talk to the legendary Jane Fonda. She been a star longer than I’ve been alive. I went back and watched a few of her old movies and realized that I didn’t remember or really absorb what an amazing actress she is. Go watch Klute. Astounding. Just right there in the pocket. So good. And Coming Home. Again, amazing. Hell, she’s just great. It was honor to talk to her. On Thursday I talk to the producer Irwin Winkler. Another legend. Fifty years in the game. Produced some to the best movies of all time. Great talks.