Dispatches from the Head

I am 50 years old.



Okay. I’m okay, People-

I’m cooking at home and starting to function like a person again. There is a dull ache to being present and aware of being alone but there is also the beauty of space. Mental and physical space.

Before I forget I want to hip you all to my friend Jerry Stahl’s new book. If you don’t know Jerry he’s most famous for his memoir "Permanent Midnight" and his amazing old Hollywood tome, "I Fatty." He’s a dark and fevered humorist. His writing blasts. His new book "Happy Mutant Baby Pills" is out tomorrow. Jerry and me will be doing a reading this Friday November 8th at the Last Book Store in downtown LA if you want come down. Should be dark and fun.

It’s odd. I think I’m just really settling into the idea that I am 50 years old. I didn’t think it mattered when it happened. Then again I was in the middle of a breakup and spent my birthday alone in a hotel room in West Hollywood. It is hitting me now. The reality. 50. I don’t think I feel bad. I might actually feel great. Can't tell. It really depends on which angle you take on any given day. I don’t seem to have as much control over the angle as I would like. It seems that some days everything seem kind of meaningless and I wonder what the point of it all is. This has always been one of the big questions once people realized they could fill their time. On some days life is full of meaning and purpose and I am thrilled to be part of the living. On some level, I am 50, twice divorced, childless and living alone. It is amazing. I may have won. I just have to accept that certain things may not happen for me and which of those things are actually things that I want or things that I have been lead to believe I should want.

Family propaganda is very powerful and is supported by the biological fact that we are here to make more people. It is also disseminated by people who are in the thick of it and, in a lot of cases, trying to make themselves believe that they have done the right thing. We are animals able to ask questions and make choices. Maybe there are plenty of people already here and it’s okay to sit this one out and think about why some days my life lacks meaning and purpose. It’s because some days, it does.

A big three-episode week is upon us! On Monday the lovely Sally Kellerman talks about her career in show biz and some of the biggest names of old Hollywood play a part in her story. It was great to talk to her. On Wednesday I will release the Live WTF from the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal featuring Big Jay Oakerson, Tig Notaro, Trevor Noah, Seth Meyers and Eddie Izzard with a little Andy Kindler thrown in. It was a very wild show in terms of stories and personalities. On Friday Booker T. Jones talks to me about the old days at Stax records and a fifty year career in the music biz. Amazing. Dig it.

Enjoy.



Love,
Maron

Boomer lives!


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