Hey, Folks.
I was doing fine. Really.
Then I boarded a plane in Toronto to Burlington and realized I left my computer at TSA in Toronto.
Now I’m not fine. Not at all. Now I’m beating the shit out of myself for having my head up my ass. That’s an important part of my journey to fleeting acceptance. I can always revisit it for all my dumb actions.
I’m writing this on my phone. This is not good for my brain.
Too much traveling. Spaced.
Aside from that, which with my brain is an unfolding disaster all the time, I’m doing okay. Wiped out. The special set is feeling good though.
The two shows in Toronto were great. It’s kind of amazing that our horrible monster of a president brought that country together to vote against him and elect a liberal when it was really tight before he broke the world.
I told them that now I kind of want them to be the 51st state. We could use the votes in ‘26 and ‘28. Canada has to be good for quite a few electoral votes. They laughed.
It’s amazing what I go through mentally heading into these big events in my life. Instead of just experiencing justified nervousness or, god forbid, excitement about what I have to do, I totally freak out about everything else in my life and worry about the worst happening.
It’s a constant. All my life.
I mean, I worry about the special but not about the material. That’s tight. I worry about my: hair, glasses, shirt, shoes, how they’ll look, my weight, whether I’ll get sick, lose my voice, whether the audiences won’t be good, the cameras, etc.
I guess those are reasonable concerns. Why can’t I just decide and stick by my decisions?
Some part of me wants to destabilize myself completely for the show. It’s fucking nuts.
Now, add in: the computer, whether my cats are okay, whether they’ll beat the shit out of each other and shit all over the house, whether I have cancer, whether my house is ok, etc.
Never stops. My present is filled with panic and dread in my head as I try to pass as a person who has most of his shit together. It’s exhausting.
Something has to give. I don’t have as many years ahead of me as I do behind me obviously. I’ve worked hard. I have to find some peace.
And a new computer.
Today I talk to Tom Green about where he is in his life now. Thursday I talk to Choctaw Nation singer songwriter Samantha Crain about her work and life. Great talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
Reasonable Concerns.
