I Came In Hot.

Hello, Folks!

L’Shana Tova, Jews! Happy 5779!

How are you all holding up? I miss Minnesota already. I was just there. The weather was perfect. What a relief to be in the nice cool breeze of the Midwest. What a relief to be on the road.

It’s almost impossible to clear my head when I’m home. There’s always something to do. Something coming at me and when there isn’t, I find something. I guess it’s just my nature or maybe it’s just the nature of being self-employed and basically having three or four jobs. Podcast, standup, writing and acting. Shit never stops. I’m not complaining because I love the work but I can’t get a break. Because if I have an hour-and-a-half of free time each day there’s still a ton of routine maintenance and house shit and errands and food stuff to do. So, getting out on the road gets me some space. Physically and mentally.

That’s not always great either. My mind can get pretty out there, but then I reel it all in and see what’s at the end of the hooks and fillet those monsters on stage.

The crowds in Minneapolis are great. Smart people, cultured people, polite people, sweetly passive-aggressive people. I’m sure there are plenty of assholes there but I think they are polite.

I’ve been aggro, short-fused, ready to pounce for a week or so. Not sure what is going on. Maybe I just feel over-extended. When I got to Minneapolis I just wanted to get my room set up and lock in, relax, write, think. I came in hot. Told the guy at check in I wanted a water kettle so I can make my tea in the room. He said they didn’t have one. I thought, what kind of upscale hotel doesn’t have one? I don’t always stay at upscale places but lately I’ve realized that I have no wife or kids and I’m not sure why I’m not spending money on nice things. It pissed me off that they didn’t have one. I told him they should get one, they’re cheap. He said it wasn’t his job, basically. That just pissed me off. So, after I checked in, I walked to Target and bought one. Fifteen bucks. I stomped back to the hotel with it under my arm, not in a bag, to make a point. I was so ready to just righteously, aggressively but causally, go in there, tell him it was cheap and they could keep it. I had even planned to tweet a pic of it and tag the hotel with some snotty, snarky bullshit remark. I had my cause.

It's sad when the world is out of control and scary that the battles we chose to fight can be stupid and petty just to feel like we have control of something, anything.

I got back and he was gone. A pregnant woman was now behind the counter. She saw me walk in, steamed, carrying the box, and she said, 'Oh you bought one. I found you one. It’s in your room.’ Defeated and humbled I say, ‘Thanks.’ Then the killer line. She says, ‘I can return that for you.’ It was perfect. Polite and annihilating. Masterful passive-aggression but genuine. She would’ve done it. I said, ‘Nah, I’ll do it tomorrow.’

I was in Minnesota for 24-hours and I had been to Target twice and returned something. That’s the life I’m living. 

I need to be humbled a bit. Taken down a notch. It grounded me. Got me level for the shows.

Thanks for coming out Minneapolis.

Today I talk to Billy Eichner about how he became Billy Eichner. On Thursday I talk to comic/writer Adam Cayton-Holland about his memoir which moves through his sister's suicide. Heavy but also funny and sweet. Good talks.


Boomer lives!