Exciting opening. Exclamation point and everything. Like I have something to tell you.
I got nothing.
Just slowly prepping my brain to having to adjust to living in an actual authoritarian country and what that means. Aside from that, just the same dumb everyday shit that most of us go through. Though that as a baseline tends to exacerbate other dumb aggravations. At least, just for today, there’s no lava, water or fire ripping down my street. Just in my brain. So, that’s nice.
I’ve been trying to get into some regular exercise habit. I generally work out a couple or more times a week but I mean, like, getting my heart pounding so it feels like I’m going to die. You know, feeling like I’m really doing something ‘healthy.’ I have been through this cycle so many times before. Some of you people have probably been through it with me. I guess I’m aging into being the guy that just cycles and actual change is very incremental and relative to slowly giving up a little at full loop. With me it’s always about food, weight, nicotine and relationships. Any prolonged period when I think I’m really growing or moving forward I eventually end up in very familiar territory and it becomes hand-to-hand combat with myself. But one side is tired now and that seems to be the me that doesn’t think he’s good enough or complete or worthy. That guy is getting tired of trying to convince the other one that he’s not that great and it’s a tough sell given how life has been lately. That’s all good but I wish I could get there without stuffing myself for weeks until I have to relent to dietary control or disappear into a dark void of sad self. I’ve been hitting the dumb cigars a bit too and I’m all nic-fitty and annoyed. Emotionally I think I am genetically incapable of trust or opening up in a relationship and staying open and just letting it be. But like I said, all these things are not as harrowing as they used to be because I’m ok. Been here before. Can deal. Not cancer. Not drinking. Not yet. Aware.
I have great guests this week! I’ve always been a fan of David Harbour and I always thought we might get along in a very specific and engaged way. We did. It was an exciting talk. That’s today. On Thursday I talk to comedian Vanessa Hollingshead. It’s a harrowing tale. We have a bit of history but I’m glad she is doing okay. Great comic talk.