Good Guy.

Alive for now, People.

It was harrowing weekend filled with the percolating fears that I guess we’ll be experiencing for as long as this shit show continues. Today we live. I hope you had a nice Christ day or Jew day or just another Sunday. I’ve been busy with Buster Kitten bullshit and performing for terrified people who turn to comedy to make them stop screaming inside for an hour or two. Maybe I’m projecting.  Maybe it’s me managing the screams.

I was distracted with another level of panic, anger and loss. The demon cat. I mean that. I believe that Buster Kitten may be a demon. I have felt that from the beginning. I’m only half-kidding. Things happen in our lives that demand meaning beyond the event. Buster arriving out of what seemed to be thin air on my porch at about two months old is one of those events. Again, maybe I’m reading into. Maybe I’m projecting but this cat seems to be possessed with something human and alien simultaneously. The body is that of cat but what that vessel holds is a mystery. As is true with most cats, I guess, but if I want to live in some kind of mystical comic book that’s my choice. I’m grounded though. I’m okay. It’s not some kind of manic episode. I know what I’m doing with my brain. I oiled my old boots. Staying busy. Staying connected. Grounded. Old boots.

The Buster broke out though. Those of you who listened on last Thursday know that. It was stressful but I’ve dealt with quite a few of these animals. I’m callous. I can’t afford to get too emotionally invested in a demon cat that came out of nowhere for unclear reasons or ones that haven’t been revealed yet. He pushed the screen out of the bedroom window and vanished. Asshole. Spent the day walking around shouting ‘Buster’ and there was no sign or sound of or from him. Dummy. I nailed in the bedroom window better. Then, hours later, after dark, we went out back and called and heard his high-pitched mew under the deck. We looked under there and he was rolling around in a pile of pine seeds just being all cute and cat like. That’s what demons do. They fool you to dissolve your suspicion and anger at them so they can continue with their agenda. I grabbed him and brought him back in. 

First thing he did was take a big demon dump. Then he ate. Then he conked out. The next day he was very sweet, a different cat. He was affectionate and vocal and pretty supportive of me in my state. Good guy.

Midday I decide to take a troubled stress nap. Upon awakening I went out back to open the garage and the entire bedroom screen had been pushed out from the top. What!? I felt like an idiot or at the very least a shitty handyman. I went around front and got a glimpse of old Monkey darting under the gate. Shit, the retired cats are out too. Turned out LaFonda wasn’t. I went through the house and yelled ‘Monkey’ and he came back in immediately. The outdoors is a bit much for his house-wired perception. No Buster in site. I thought, ‘Fuck it, he wants to live out here so bad, so be it.’ I couldn’t hold that frame though. I love the guy and he was just becoming sweet. I had to let it go though. Callous. Cats leave. 

I called him on and off for two days. Nothing. Sarah saw him for a second under the deck at some point but then he vanished (in thin air). Then when we pulled into the driveway late at night we caught a glimpse of his Abyssinian silhouette and watched him dart under my neighbor’s fence. He was close. I put food out and went and did comedy to help myself and others as we all stare down the world’s barrel with no control over the trigger.

I came home after the show. Got out of my car. Shouted for Buster a couple of times. Heard his dumb meow just beyond my neighbor’s gate. Saw that he ate the food. Kept calling. Nothing. Sat on the ground in front of the gate with his toys for a half hour. Nothing. Fuck him. I went to sleep.

I woke up and called him out front. Nothing. Walked to the door and there he was just standing out back looking at me. I opened the door and told him to come in and he ran off. Then I walked outside to try to get him and he ran by me and went under the house. I sat there and called him. Put food out. Waited. I knew he was under there but it was starting to look like I would have to trap him or just leave him outside. I called and called and then said fuck it. Just as I was about to get up he walked out from under the house with spider webs on his ear and came right up to me and rubbed against my leg. I picked him up and brought him in. I hope this Rumspringa is over. Today he is nothing but love but that’s how these demons are.

Today on the show I have a short chat with an old friend of the show, Moshe Kasher, about his new show on Comedy Central. I have a long chat with comedian Baron Vaughn about his journey and his new doc about his dad. On Thursday I have a great, smart talk with W Kamau Bell about his show on CNN and his new book. After that I have nice goofy chat with Amanda Peet to round the episode out.


Boomer lives!