It’s weird, people -
All of the promotion is slowly easing up. I’m actually home for a couple of weeks now. I know some kind of depression is going to set in. I can taste it. I’ve already started to dwell on the fact that my book, Attempting Normal, made it onto the extended bestseller list at #24 but couldn’t climb or stay on it. I started to wonder what I had to do to sell more books. How many of ‘my people’ actually stepped up and bought one? Why can’t someone huge step in and Oprah that thing.
Then I realized it’s all just pride fucking with me.
The book is doing fine. The people that got it are digging it. The TV show, Maron, is finding its audience. The people that get it are digging it. I have to realize that I never do anything with making money in mind. That is always the afterthought. When I talk or write or do standup or anything that I create it’s never with the thought to make money. I just want to get what I do out there in as honest a way as possible. The truest way. And when I do come up with some great idea to make money the opposite happens. I couldn’t give away those ‘Nerd Cock’ t-shirts and I thought that was genius. Who wouldn’t want a Nerd Cock t-shirt? Well, the answer to that is: most people. I mean, I know I do ads on the show but we all know that is what needs to happen for the show to make money. So, I guess I do that, but that isn't coming out of my heart. I have a hard time monetizing my heart.
I guess some part of me, after all the promotion I’ve done (and done well), thought that the time has come for most people to ‘get’ me and embrace me. My ego expanded a bit but for a very short time. It was actually maybe a week and half of me thinking I would be huge. Now, it is contracting. I’m back to normal, back at home. I’m dealing with immediate issues. Both of my cats need to go to the vet for eye things. I have to get the vacuum repaired. I need to go to the doctor for a check up. I need tires. I need to start living a life that a human lives again. At the very least so I can have something to talk about.
I’ve begun circling a house down the street because I thought I saw Boomer there last time I was home. I thought I caught a glimpse of him in the yard. I guess I just should just go up and ask but I think part of me knows that it isn’t him so I’ll just keep circling occasionally for the hope buzz.
On the show this week: Monday I talk to the sparky Pamela Adlon, which was great. On Thursday Billy Bragg is in the garage talking my ear off and playing some songs. It was pretty great.
It’s weird, people -