I’ve had it with traffic.


Before I get lost here I will be at the Improv in Louisville KY this week Thursday through Sunday September 22 through 25. Come on down if you are around.

I just landed at JFK in NYC. I am writing right now in the back of a car. I called a car service. It’s not even a fancy car service. They sent a Camry. WTF. I drive a Camry. I’m no big entitled celebrity but I hired a car service for fuck’s sake. Granted the Camry is new but I kinda would rather an old beat up Town Car over a new Camry. I know it’s better for the air and whatnot but the dude driving is nervous about my coffee spilling and he just sneezed without covering his mouth. I may fuck up his car with my toxic Dunkin Donuts brew but he could fuck up my week with his germ explosion. He can clean his car, I can’t get my week back. Luxury problems. I know.

I’m stuck in traffic. I really don’t want to complain but god forbid any of us need to get out of a big city for any reason with any pressing urgency. Los Angeles is the worst. I know it’s a hackneyed observation but it is really the only big problem I have with LA. Traffic is a malignant time suck that drives me nuts. I drove to the airport at 6am today, Sunday, and it was beautiful. There was no one on the road. I made it there in 24 minutes and it could have taken me over an hour any other day or time. Being able to drive freely on a highway shouldn’t be the highlight of my week but it fucking was. I felt elated. Ridiculous.

Now I’m stuck in Sunday traffic in Queens in a Camry with a viral driver hoping to fuck I am not late for an interview with Anthony Bourdain who is meeting me at my hotel in Brooklyn. It’s the only time we could do it. He is off to Africa tomorrow and I’m complaining about a ride in a Camry. I am a pussy. I am ashamed of myself. I better get myself humbled before I get there.

Jesus, what's happening to me?

This week on the show Lisa Lampanelli gets raw. It was great to talk to her since we really haven’t talked since she taught standup classes at a club in NYC. Also, Chris Hardwick….for reals. Sorry about the delay.

Getting carsick. Gotta go.