I’ve got to cook, in my mind.

Okay, here we go, People-

Could someone please tell me why I didn’t go to culinary school? Seriously. If I had gone right after college I could have been an Iron Chef by now OR a bitter line cook in Albuquerque, NM. Is it too late for me to become a real chef? I am so fucking busy right now. Everything is working out pretty well. I think it may be time to throw it all away and start cooking. Maybe I could open a little restaurant, bottom out in a year and then call Robert Irvine to come help me fix it.

I’d like to believe I have a good feel for the pans but I am clueless about butter, sauces, techniques, layering flavor… pretty much all of it. Everything I know about those things I learn from Chopped and Iron Chef. In my mind I think if applied myself I could learn it. What am I talking about?

I am the same with guitar. I’m a pretty good player but I just let my skills stop. I allow myself to believe that I could be great but that would require… how do you say it? Work. I got handed my ass in my mind the other night. I sat in with a band for three songs. I rehearsed with them for a couple of hours the day before. I thought I was ready but I never really play with people in a rehearsal space let alone in front of a bar full of people. So, I choked. I reverted to the insecure, fall into the shadows, watching my fingers, my guitar is too loud, nervous person that I am. No cock in it at all. Well, maybe a little on the Stones song. I left the stage feeling like I fucked up. No fun. I took something that really should have been easy and a good time and used it as a bat to beat myself over the head with.

Maybe if I didn’t think I could do anything I’d relax. I’m not 5. If I just focused and accepted my limitations out of practicality and awareness of where I am in my life I could have a good time. So what? I fucked up a song in a bar in Santa Monica. Yeah, so what?

I’ve got to practice. Wait, Iron Chef is on. I’ve got to cook, in my mind.

Donald Glover is on the show Monday. We had a great talk. On Thursday Kevin Pollak and I talk about show business like a couple of middle age Jews. Wait, we are middle aged Jews.