Hope you had a fun Halloween. I didn’t really notice it until the first kid in a decade came by my house for candy. I didn’t have any. Almost had to give the little pirate some vinyl or maybe just pour some Puffins into her bag. Luckily I had some high end chocolate I snagged down in North Carolina. I’m not sure the kid will dig 70% Dark with Sea Salt but maybe she will. Maybe it will change her little life.
After the embarrassment of possibly enlightening the little pirate (but most likely disappointing her) I scrambled out to the Vons and grabbed a bag of Kit Kats that I am now in a standoff with. I’m happy to report that four other kids came by so the fight isn’t going to go on that long. There’s only half a bag left.
I was flattered and shocked that people tweeted pics of themselves dressed as me for Halloween. That is a scary costume. I imagine the downside of that costume is having to explain who I am to people that don’t know. I have to deal with that all the time. I would say one out of five people would be able to understand that costume. I hope that was a good experience for anyone who went out there dressed as me. Now you can know how it feels to be hanging with one person who is into you and four who are like ‘I’m sorry, I just don’t know who you are.' The number of people who don’t know me is probably much larger relatively speaking but I’m going with one out of five. I’m good with those numbers.
I’m actually fine with things exactly as they are externally. Internally, it’s hit or miss.
I’m a little down on myself at the moment and I have to track. Sometimes it just sneaks up on me while I’m sleeping. It’s weird and awful when things aren’t right in your head and your heart but everything seems to be going great. I’m not feeling sorry for myself or complaining. I know those of you who have been listening for a long time know that this isn’t uncommon for me. I guess just some days are internally shitty on occasion.
I think my mind and heart are wired for seasons. There’s a mode and tone to fall, a crispness that I look forward too. There’s a feeling to it that enables me to feel a slight melancholy and longing without going to down the hole. I think the fact that it was sunny and eighty here today is fucking with my internal seasonal clock. I’m at odds with the weather emotionally and the weather is good. Fucked up. I want to be reflective and nostalgic and a little dark but the sun if harshing my gloom buzz. I will wax poetic about the darkness that envelops me at times. I will try accept it but I will also do everything I can to avoid it and manage it when it happens. I should just learn to sit in it and watch it pass and not panic.
My mood might have had something to do with the dream I had last night or the movie I saw. I watched 99 Homes and it was pretty devastating. Great, but hardcore. Beautifully shot and acted and morally menacing without much redemption. I woke up feeling like I was a bad person. That’s a powerful film.
I had a great talk with Patricia Arquette that you can listen to today. She was intimidating to me but I don’t think you can tell. On Thursday I talk to James Corden. He was great as well. Fun and thoughtful. Good week on the show.