I needed wood like a crackhead needs crack.

Heading South, People!

If you are in Nashville or Louisville and you are a fan of mine this is your month. I will be at Zanies in Nashville September 8th through 10th, and in Louisville September 22nd through 25th. Hope to see some of you there. I will try to bring the merch!

It has been good to be home for a stretch. When I travel so much it seems that when I am home it’s just to do laundry, pay some bills, interview people, and see Jessica. All good things, but I like hanging out a bit at my house. I have been crazy busy preparing to take some time in October and November to give my book full attention. As you all know, I have no idea how to handle anxiety. The other day I was so overwhelmed with anger and panic that I fixed my front door.

I don’t know if you ever compulsively did some repair work to stop the noise in your head but it was great. I think I may have scared a few people at the hardware store with my urgency but they probably see that from time to time. I needed wood like a crackhead needs crack.

The screen on my front screen door was fucked. It had a growing hole in it that LaFonda eventually figured out how to jump through. Monkey watched her do it over and over and it still took him about a month to figure it out. Monkey is cute but simple. LaFonda can go outside, Monkey cannot. So I had a problem. I remedied the problem by taping a large piece of cardboard over the bottom half of the door which obviously looked shitty but I was planning on finding a screen guy to fix the screen. It was like that for a month and LaFonda had figured out how to jump over the cardboard, land between the screen and the outside, then climb out. She’s a smart terror of a feline.

Anyway, in a flurry of compulsion I went and bought the wood for the frame, a saw and saw thingy to cut angles, screen, a staple gun, and nails. I pulled the door off and focused like only the deep need to get out of myself can enable me to focus and I fixed that fucking door and stained the frame.

Needless to say within days LaFonda began climbing up the screen and destroying it, but for a short time it looked perfect and I was a proud craftsman.

On the show this week, Monday, her highness Sandra Bernhard talks nicely to me in the garage. I thought she would be filled with rage but nope. Just me. Thursday I spend some time with Chris Hardwick who I misjudged as well. When will I learn that what I think people are is not usually the case?

See you down South!