I can turn just about anything into a smoothie.

Yes, Folks!

First off, thank you Phoenix! I had a great time at Stand Up Live. Thanks for coming out! It’s a beautiful club and it was great to see everyone.

It was a little weird being back in Phoenix. I have a lot of history there. My first wife was from there and my brother currently lives there. On top of that some very old family friends were visiting town. They read that I was performing and reached out to me. This was a family that lived next to my Grandma Goldy in NJ. I knew them all of my life. There were two boys and two girls and one of the girls, Jodi, told me that I was the first diaper she’d ever changed. That tells me a couple of things. I helped someone learn a valuable skill and my mother wanted nothing to do with me. She also told me that my grandfather taught her everything she knew about sports. I remember my Grandpa Jack would sit for hours watching sports on TV. Any sport. It didn’t matter. I always felt like I had disappointed him because I wasn’t into to sports. Jodi told me that she would go over to the house when she was a kid and watch sports with Jack. He would have two TVs going and she said he had two phones going, too, so his bookies could get through. I had no idea that he was a compulsive sports bettor. Maybe it was better off I didn’t get into sports with him or I would’ve become a compulsive gambler and, as most of you know, my plate was pretty full just being an addict. I think I dodged a bullet there.

Well, I bought a Vitamix blender. I know they’re expensive. I’ve been thinking about getting one for years and I just buckled. I bought one. Needless two say in the two days that I have owned it I’ve made no less that 4 smoothies. I’m in the middle of making one now. I really hope it holds my obsessive focus long enough to justify the expenditure. We’ll see. It might go the way of the Sodastream that was the center of my life for a few months. Though that was significantly cheaper and really not as exciting. I can turn just about anything into a smoothie. There’s no end to it. That’s a lot more compelling than making things bubbly.

On the show this week: On Monday, from The Hangover and her new film, Natural Selection, Rachael Harris. It turns she’s not really a bitch. She just plays one a lot. I loved talking to her. On Thursday, Craig Ferguson talks about his original stage character and his long, weird-luck journey to The Late Show. Good guy.