How are things?
Things are very busy on my end. The GLOW shoot is going well. We are a couple of weeks in and as far as I can tell the people in charge are into what I am doing. Which is good. I also get to wear groovy pants and boots, which is great. I had to lose the soul patch but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make and no one really seems to notice in my real life.
Carnegie Hall is actually almost sold out. There are some tickets there but if you are holding out for whatever reason you should pull the trigger. I have Chicago coming up in December as well for two shows. You should probably jump on that as well.
Something is happening. I am getting all choked up too much. Over nothing. Cute things. Songs. Other people’s emotions. I think I know what is going on. It’s a midlife thing but not in a bad way. I did just have a birthday which may not mean much but I am really in my fifties now and something seems to be shaking loose in my heart. Something seems to be easing and it feels weird. Scary even. I can’t seem to maintain the defenses that have defined me for all of my conscious life. I’m onto myself in some new way. Like I know when I’m not being my true self. Obviously, all of us have to behave certain ways to get through the day and be appropriate in all kinds of ways. We know when we are being disingenuous or holding back. Some of us know we have a public personality that isn’t quite who we are.
I’ve just been feeling emotionally young but not in a cliché way. I know I’m not the most emotionally mature person. That’s a given. It’s one of my deep flaws. Over the years, I’ve managed to poorly parent myself enough to exist in the world. Lately I’ve been remembering the different versions of myself that took charge or didn’t at different points in my life. Because of that, how I am feeling now could be a regression. I don’t thing so though. I think I might just finally be ready to pick up where I left off. I don’t think that word regression can be used lightly because it has negative connotations in some way. I am not going back to old behavior. I’m picking up where my defenses started protecting me from feeling sad and rejected. It’s awkward but I think it's good. It’s uncomfortable because I think I stopped growing emotionally a long time ago and I can’t go back or else I’d have to do my Bar Mitzvah over and fumble around with boobs for the first time. Which wouldn’t be horrible but I like having some experiential wisdom at this point in my life.
Today I talk to comedian Rachel Feinstein who I have known for a while but she lives in NYC and this is the first time we were able to make it happen. On Thursday Hutch Harris of the band The Thermals talks to me about music and stuff. I saw them years ago at SXSW and I was mildly obsessed for a while so it was great talking to him.