Dispatches from the Head

WTF - Craig Ferguson does not have a fragile ego.

Full episode out 5/10


I can turn just about anything into a smoothie.

Yes, Folks!

First off, thank you Phoenix! I had a great time at Stand Up Live. Thanks for coming out! It’s a beautiful club and it was great to see everyone.

It was a little weird being back in Phoenix. I have a lot of history there. My first wife was from there and my brother currently lives there. On top of that some very old family friends were visiting town. They read that I was performing and reached out to me. This was a family that lived next to my Grandma Goldy in NJ. I knew them all of my life. There were two boys and two girls and one of the girls, Jodi, told me that I was the first diaper she’d ever changed. That tells me a couple of things. I helped someone learn a valuable skill and my mother wanted nothing to do with me. She also told me that my grandfather taught her everything she knew about sports. I remember my Grandpa Jack would sit for hours watching sports on TV. Any sport. It didn’t matter. I always felt like I had disappointed him because I wasn’t into to sports. Jodi told me that she would go over to the house when she was a kid and watch sports with Jack. He would have two TVs going and she said he had two phones going, too, so his bookies could get through. I had no idea that he was a compulsive sports bettor. Maybe it was better off I didn’t get into sports with him or I would’ve become a compulsive gambler and, as most of you know, my plate was pretty full just being an addict. I think I dodged a bullet there.

Well, I bought a Vitamix blender. I know they’re expensive. I’ve been thinking about getting one for years and I just buckled. I bought one. Needless two say in the two days that I have owned it I’ve made no less that 4 smoothies. I’m in the middle of making one now. I really hope it holds my obsessive focus long enough to justify the expenditure. We’ll see. It might go the way of the Sodastream that was the center of my life for a few months. Though that was significantly cheaper and really not as exciting. I can turn just about anything into a smoothie. There’s no end to it. That’s a lot more compelling than making things bubbly.

On the show this week: On Monday, from The Hangover and her new film, Natural Selection, Rachael Harris. It turns she’s not really a bitch. She just plays one a lot. I loved talking to her. On Thursday, Craig Ferguson talks about his original stage character and his long, weird-luck journey to The Late Show. Good guy.



WTF - Rachael Harris’s presidential crushes

Full episode out 5/7


Howdy, Folks-

Let’s do this Phoenix thing. If you are in the area come out to Stand Up Live on May 3rd. I’m doing one show and I’ll bring some stuff. It will be great. I haven’t done standup in that area in a long time. Love Arizona. I have family there. I’m looking forward to the desert.

Thank you, Austin! The Moontower Comedy Festival was a tremendous success. It was their first year and they did a hell of job. All the shows were great. They treated me good and I really appreciate you all coming out. I also had a great time hanging out with all the other comics, some I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was able to see Steven Wright live for the first time and that was really fucking special. Love that guy. It was really the most organized and well-run festival I have ever been involved with. Congrats, Moontower! I hope I see you next year.

Let get to the meat of the matter -- BBQ. When I go to Austin the challenge for me seems to be how much slow-cooked meat can I load into my being before I leave either Austin or this mortal coil. The shameless shoving of cooked pig into my face is something I only do in BBQ towns. Austin is a big one. I usually go to a place called Sam’s but the last few times I was there they were shut down for stolen meat, which is better than bad meat. They were open again and I went there my first day out. It wasn’t the same. There was no love in the place, the brisket was tough and the guy working there complained for about 10 minutes about being unable to keep flies out of the joint. It’s the only place I’ve ever been that has BBQ mutton which was great but not enough to get back in there. I kept hearing about this place Franklin's as being the best in town but the rest of description involved waiting in line for hours and they may run out of meat. Fuck that. I heard the same about the guy who taught the guy who owns Franklin's so I thought fuck that, too. I had driven out to Salt Lick on another trip—didn’t love their sauce. I didn’t want to go to Lockhart because it was another mythic joint that was played out. There is part of the BBQ thing that makes you want to find the secret best place that no one really talks about or knows. I found it, for me anyway.

I was rambling on about Sam’s to some locals and some large woman in a wheelchair that looked like she might be in it because of eating too much BBQ suggested Opie’s in Spicewood.


It already sounded amazing—just the name. Me and my buddy Josh drove out on Highway 71 about 40 minutes and came upon this place and I just knew it was the shit. We walked in and a guy rushed up to us and asked, “Do you want to see your meat?” He opened this large cylindrical tank next to the door and said, “Pick it out.” There were Pork Chops, Links, Brisket, Beef Ribs, Pork Ribs and Pulled Pork. I had never been to an open casket BBQ joint before. It was amazing. Here are some food pics.



On the show this week, a poolside chat with Chelsea Handler on Monday and my hotel room chat in OKC with Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips on Thursday. Hope you dig it all.


WTF - Chelsea Handler paid $500 for cigarettes.

Full episode out 4/30

WTF - Bob Zmuda on Andy Kaufman vs Tony Clifton

Full episode out 4/26

Please Remember to Stretch.

Oh, man, People-

I am tired. I'm sitting here at the airport in Portland wiped out. I did five shows here and they were hands-on, real, raw standup. I’m losing my voice. I’ll get to that in a minute. Thanks to everyone who came out to the show. Good times.

This week I will be at the Mohawk in Austin on Thursday for the Moontower Comedy Festival. I’m looking forward to getting back to Austin. I’ll be doing a couple of other shows there as well. You can check the schedule because I don’t even know what they are. On May 3rd I am doing one night at Stand Up Live in Phoenix so if you are in the area it would be good to see you.

I need a rest. I’ve been going non stop for months and the three days at the weird nice spa in Santa Fe wasn’t enough. My voice is raspy. I wish it were just because I was worn out but in actuality I think I sprained it during a fight. Jess and I got into an argument over some bullshit. I don’t even know what it was about. She claims I am just stressed and taking it out on her. I, of course, argued that couldn’t be it and, of course, that became the argument. Stupid. So, I yelled. Now, for the last 3 days my voice had been fucked up. This is all part of getting older. The last time I played softball I didn’t stretch and I pulled my hamstring. The last time I went running I didn’t stretch well enough and hurt my foot. The point is, you have to warm up. Sadly, when you are about to have a loud argument over nothing there isn’t much time for vocal exercises. Maybe the better way to think about this is I just shouldn’t be screaming like a child because my voice is my livelihood. Better still, maybe I shouldn’t be screaming like a child because I am a grown man and it’s just hurtful and embarrassing.

Please remember to stretch. You’re not a kid anymore.

Today, Monday, is the last day to pre-order the First 100 Episodes in MP3 files on a two DVD box set, which includes a live WTF video from The Bell House in Brooklyn featuring Artie Lange and Ira Glass. It’s a beautiful box and we’re real happy with how it came out. It's officially available on Tuesday.

Today on the show, the amazing James Mercer, lead singer of The Shins. We share a common hometown of Albuquerque and he actually sings an acoustic version of his new single ‘Simple Song.' Also, you learn in this talk that I have a hard time distinguishing mice. For all you Andy Kaufman fans, Bob Zmuda is on the show on Thursday. No matter how you feel about Zmuda this show is intense. He is an amazing raconteur and full of stories. Enjoy.



WTF with Marc Maron - The First 100 Episodes

Click here to order the special DVD of "WTF - The First 100 Episodes" from AST Records.

It's a 2-disc DVD with mp3 audio files of the First 100 episodes for you to download. So for everyone asking how to download old episodes of WTF as opposed to streaming them on the app, this is for you.

This set has some of our classic episodes with Robin Williams, Maria Bamford, Dane Cook, Zach Galifianakis and the 2-parter with Carlos Mencia.

And as a special bonus, there's a nearly 2-hour live video of WTF at The Bell House in Brooklyn, featuring Artie Lange, Ira Glass, Morgan Spurlock and more.

It's over 100 hours of WTF for you to enjoy whenever and wherever you want.

The 2-disc set is available NOW from AST Records.

Do it!

Nice Ones.

Okay, People-

Hello, Portland! I will be in your not-so-fair, peculiar but charming city this weekend at Helium Comedy Club, April 19th, 20th, and 21st. I love it up there and I am looking forward to hanging out. Come down if you can. The following week I will be at The Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas for one big show at the Mohawk on April 26th. Can’t wait for that. Austin rocks.

As I get older I wonder if I have been a prude my whole life when it comes to certain things. I don’t have tattoos. I like them okay. I like looking at nice ones. I just could never think of something I would want tattooed on my body that I would like having there my whole life. I barely like my body without tattoos and most of the time wish I had a different one. So, I just leave it be. Maybe a tattoo would make me like my body as a canvas of a painting that is so fucking cool that I forget I hate my body for a while. Eventually I’m sure I’d be looking in the mirror thinking, ‘Wow, I look fat AND I have a punk rock mermaid perched on a skull over my left boob. So, now I am a fat idiot.’ Needless to say I don’t want a tattoo.

I was at my buddy’s house the other night hanging out with him and his girl. We were talking about Japan and they were talking about how the Japanese don’t dig tattoos as a culture, especially on women. Then my buddy said his girl, who was sitting next to me, was in a magazine photo shoot and in the edit they photoshopped her tattoos off her body. Then she handed me the magazine and showed me the picture and she was naked in them. Now I’m on a couch sitting next to my buddy looking at a picture of his naked girl and she’s showing them to me. What I was thinking was, ‘Hey, that’s you and those are your boobs. Wow. You’re like right here and I’m looking at a picture of your boobs.’ What I wanted to say was, ‘Hey, nice ones.’ What I did say, detached and professional like was, ‘So, where’s the tattoo supposed to be?’ She pointed to her lower back. Then I said, ‘It’s amazing that they can just do that.’ WHAT? I pretended to be cool. My question to me is, ‘Why aren’t you cool? You should just be cool with that, right? Not pretending to be cool. What are you, a teenager?’ Maybe I’m just a man. I should’ve just said, ‘Nice ones.’ See, I’m a fucking prude.

On the show this week: On Monday, I talk to Stephen Merchant. I was glad to get him alone. He’s a funny, smart guy and I don’t know if he would’ve gotten a word in if what’s his name was there. On Thursday, I talk to the biggest comic in the country, Kevin Hart. If you haven’t heard of him, what does that make you? Out of the loop. Seriously though, he’s the biggest selling act in the country and he’s a funny fucker and a great guy. Enjoy.

Love you all.

WTF - Stephen Merchant has self esteem.

Full episode out 4/16

WTF - Chris Elliott on Letterman.

Full episode out 4/12